We all know that when a child has worked themselves into a state about some worry or anxiety, there's no “talking them out of it”. Their survival mechanisms are at full throttle and they can’t even hear you properly. So with that in mind, here are three ideas to help you distract an anxious 6 year old.
Your first thought might be, well my child is 4 or 8. OK, but I needed a title! And the activities wouldn’t work so well with a child you have to monitor during the activity. And I mean "have to". There's always a choice to join in, and you may want to. But the youngest children need you guarding them!
However, you know your child and their abilities. And with an anxious child, you may well need to start off together and then leave them to it as they settle and calm.
The point is that a child who is anxious or upset is not acting their age anyway. They either revert to a more childish attitude (think: clingy and crying) or a temper tantrum (think: angry and volatile).
So – six is an average age. Let’s find out if any of these activities spark an idea in you that will perfectly suit your child when you’re thinking: “Oh heck, how do I distract an anxious 6 year old so we can talk or play calmly and start sorting it out?”
For this you need a smallish container like an empty, washed hand cream jar or a very small snack box. They’re going to collect stuff.
Merely ignore the “worry state” for the moment and say something like “Let’s see what different treasures we can fit in here.” This may be enough to start the movement that’s needed. But otherwise, set it in motion yourself. Your child will follow as they see you wondering out loud what to put in the container and why. Be devious; make it sound more interesting than whatever was happening before!
Two tips here:
If you have a garden, there are many more interesting and unusual possibilities than inside the house that will inspire your child to distract themselves quicker. But either will work.
Aim for 10 different items. Small ones are better. Encourage very different treasures.
Children can be perverse, however!
If they choose all stones, then the interest you show afterwards, when they bring you their container, is: “Wow, how pretty. Do you think these stones could be made into a pattern?” And take it from there.
If they bring all leaves, note the differences together in curious tones.
But if they’re all different items, bingo, let them tell you what they like about them. (Learning to focus on the rest of the world is a great help in tackling anxious moments.)
For this activity to help distract an anxious 6 year old, you need 3 or 5 small soft “balls” like the ones filled with beads that people juggle with.
The reason? Bouncy balls go too far and might wreak havoc inside. Juggling ones roll fine. It’s a small investment because they will be used for years in different ways as your child grows up.
You should do this "distracting" idea together.
You roll one ball and it stops somewhere. Then you and your child have either one or two balls each to play with. Take turns to roll your balls nearest to the lead one.
The competition immediately alters your child's anxiety feelings. As I've said many times, you only need to change one thing from "activity", "focus", or "thought" and you no longer have the situation you had! Remember, you’re going to talk about anxiety when they’re calm, so calming them is key in these suggestions.
OK, the balls have been rolled. Enjoy deciding together, fairly, which ball was nearest to the lead ball. That person scores a point. Then the other person rolls the lead ball first.
The benefit of having two balls each to play with is that it’s not an instant victory by one of you, which can get frustrating for an agitated child. They could, for instance try using their second ball to knock your "possibly winning" one clean away from the lead ball! (You want them to learn about hope, because hope is dead useful in altering an anxious situation!)
This activity to distract an anxious 6 year old involves burning off the excess, pent-up energy that's fuelling the fight-or-flight moment of anxiety.
You know your home and the safety in it. Work out (in advance of needing this activity) what will be safe and doable for your child when it’s time to introduce it.
You can, for example, time them to:
You could try beating them at any of these?? It's more fun that way, or they can try to beat their own time.
When you've laughed at your efforts and congratulated each other on winning or losing, the energy is burnt off and they're calm again. You might not be :) But physical activity reduces stress – so let them continue when you're exhausted if they want to! (You want them to learn that anxieties feel more manageable when they calm their bodies down.)
After the distracting technique comes the moment when you can either
If your child is an older kind of 6 year old (!) or is actually 8 or 9, then this activity can help them sort their many worries into piles. If they only have one worry, then it's better to either talk or play it out at the right time.
If you're not sure how to proceed, I've given plenty of help in the strategies section for ways to gently start talking about worries effectively.
Or you can put aside some special play time to let your child work through their issues themselves if they don't have words for it.
Or a combination. You're the expert on your child. Give it a go?